Weekly Update March 6th (Written belatedly on March 9th)

The Week in Review: 
The first week of March itself was rather uneventful, instead it's been the first part of this week that has been exhausting and all around awful. I thought about waiting to write about it all in next week's weekly update, but I'm hoping that putting some of it all down will help me put a bunch of it behind me and finish this week out on a high note.

As we rolled into the first part of this week I ended up with a nasty cold that made it so difficult to breathe that even standing up proved impossible for most of the day. Being ridiculously true to that old saying that doctors make the worst patients, I also made Sweetheart immensely frustrated at me by continuously trying to get up and do things like laundry or cook dinner. Looking back on it now, I probably should have agreed to be taken into the ER for some albuterol or something... but at the time I was just stubborn and stupid. I'm now able to get back to actually some functionality without the incessant bronchospasms, but certainly not back to feeling 100%. I think this is going to be one of those colds that just decides to set up shop and hang around for a while -- whoopie.

In addition to that, there have been some complications that have arisen about something that long time readers of this blog probably only partially remember. I was in a car accident over a year ago. Turns out that it's not quite as shut a door as I thought it was after all the insurance paperwork was over. So that's just been one more thing to deal with in the middle of the sickness...

... oh and did I mention that I'm supposed to open an envelope that will (at least temporarily) send me far away from the fiancé I love to live in a new city where I'm supposed to know how to be a doctor -- oh yeah that thing that I'm totally ready for.

So in review, after a whole day of pretending to be strong and that everything was okay I pretty much came home at the end of my day on a Tuesday and sat in the corner in the bathroom and didn't even have the energy to cry for a long long time (of course, then afterward there was crying once Sweetheart found me and hugged me -- and then... well all the crying).

While I was sitting there, sobbing on the bathroom floor about everything under the sun because it all just felt like too much all at the same time I finally said "and I don't understand when I'll finally be old enough that I won't have to sit on the floor in the bathroom and cry anymore!"

And Sweetheart chuckled at me a little (which at first I was a little hurt about -- come on -- this is REAL serious emotional pain here!) and told me that I'd probably do this until I was eighty, because I wouldn't be able to stand up if I sat on the tile bathroom floor at that age.

But you know, it's really okay sometimes to sit on the floor in your own bathroom and cry because you feel like you're completely out of control of your whole life. Some days the world is like one long series of playground bullies ready to push you down and you really don't have anything else to do except cry.

There's no shame in having to come home and do just that -- not when you're five or twenty five or fifty five -- as long as you get yourself back up off the floor and decide you're going to push back tomorrow.

As was best said by my all time favorite musician Frank Turner:

I don't wanna to spend the whole of my life indoors
Laying low and waiting on the next storm
I don't wanna spend the whole of my life inside
I wanna step out and face the sunshine.
I'm not gonna live the whole of my life indoors.
I'm gonna step out and face the next storm. 


The Week in Snapshots:

Sick day snuggles (wait aren't I the one who's supposed to nap?) / wedding DIY / climb day / save the date DIY / suture practice in bootcamp

Reading: 



Have you read this book yet? I really don't have anything I could ever tell you that wouldn't be better read from its pages.

Favorite Song of the Week: 


My favorite song from this week is... well it's really this whole album... but if you want to seriously pin me down and make me pick just one it would have to be the one that got me through today which is a song called Next Storm that the lyrics listed above are quoted from.

To-Dos and Goals for the Next Week: 

- Go on our 1.5 year anniversary date! Nothing fancy just a quick dinner together away from the work and the busyness to be excited about all the things the next year and a half have ahead of us.
- Get back to running after being too sick to even breathe.
- I aggressively have reminded myself how to knit yesterday after a bunch of exhausting things happened and have already taught myself a new stitch. So I'd like to keep doing that.
- I managed to print and complete the whole first part of our save the dates! Now I just have to make up the little cards that go with them and the job can be checked off! Goal for the rest of this week.

3 Things: 

• Knitting is a form of meditation. I am convinced. 
• I finally scheduled to get my haircut this weekend so it can look cute for Match day instead of continuing to live with lion's mane hair
• Sweetheart is sleeping next to me in bed while I write this even though it's not even 10:00 at night (he doesn't like that 4 am life) and I should probably end this ridiculously long blog post and go turn off the lights. 

Loving from Around the Internet: 
This sweetie on YouTube whose great video reminded me how to cast on when I had completely forgotten everything my mom had taught me about knitting after not having done it since I started med school.